Guidelines for having a Completely Pointless Workout
1. Be Grumpy.
2. Instead of taking public transportation to/from work, sit in traffic so you can pick up one of your too-many bikes from the Freewheel. Even though this is a bike that technically will not be used in competition until September or thereabouts.
3. Pay $17.50 to park the car downtown so you can then go pick up the bike after work.
4. Speaking of work: have too much work to do in too little time and get even more grumpy.
5. For lunch, eat a gross salad that's just a bunch of iceberg lettuce with a couple measly morsels of chicken, but it's free and pre-assembled.
6. Get home 15 minutes before your ideal get-out-the-door-and-on-the-bike time.
7. Use that 15 minutes to make a much-needed snack (see item #5).
8. Turn on computer to check weather to confirm that it is indeed still raining outside like it was doing 5 minutes ago when you ran inside from the car after holding your umbrella and purse and heavy bag with old bottom bracket and crankset, while simultaneously putting the front wheel on the bike and trying not to get grease and rain on your work clothes.
9. Utter expletives when the internet doesn't seem to be working.
10. Recall that you forgot to change the auto-billing for the internet to your new credit card number.
11. Recall that you can't pay your internet bill online when you can't even get online so you have to call stupid Comcast.
12. Notice that it is indeed still raining outside so you don't really need to look at weather.com but you still would like the option to do so before heading out into the doom and gloom.
13. Recall that it is possible to ride the (shock horror) trainer during inclement weather.
14. But the trainer is downstairs, outside, in the trunk of the car, which is a sign from above that you should brave the ice-cold Alaska-type rain and do your workout outside.
15. Look at the clock and realize it's now 15 minutes after ideal departure time.
16. Get dressed anyway.
17. Put hair in one braided ponytail instead of two to save time.
18. Finally leave.
19. Realize it's FREEZING and RAINING.
20. Start to do your intervals anyway.
21. Look at your wattage.
22. Get depressed.
23. Stop mid-set and call a friend and cry.
24. Get even colder whilst listening to pep talk.
25. Try to resume workout.
26. Look at your wattage again.
27. Remind yourself that you are not a quitter.
28. Tell your you-are-not-a-quitter self to shove it and grow a brain, then turn around and go home.
Hypothetical me will try again tomorrow.